ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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