The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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