Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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