i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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