I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
