Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
