Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
