do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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