Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
