Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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