i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
