am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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