I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
