Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
