The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
