I wish I could teleport
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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