So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
