thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
