be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
