Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We need to get me chipped asap
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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