He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
