new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
