Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
