So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
