im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
