Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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