one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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