like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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