dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
false alarm. still invincible.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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