well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
