How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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