You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
