I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Randomize
