i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
