Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
