Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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