Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
we have officially lost it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
