I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
