I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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