one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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