I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
