WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
