they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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