Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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