i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
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