Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
