His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
