I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
