I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
love makes seman taste better
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
