She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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