But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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