My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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