my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
