Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
