just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
